Tantrums

A tantrum is really about your toddler realizing that he or she is a separate person, with their own voice and views who does not want to be told what to do by anyone; not you, not his or her friends, not by relatives or even not by their grandparents. For this reason when your toddler feels he or she is losing control for any reason, they become overwhelmed by their feelings, and feel a flood of emotions, which triggers a tantrum.

Claire B. Kopp, professor of applied developmental psychology at California's Claremont Graduate University, attributes much of the problem to uneven language skills. "Toddlers are beginning to understand a lot more of the words they hear, yet their ability to  produce language is so limited," she says. When your child can't express how she feels or what she wants, frustration mounts.

WHY YOUR CHILD HAS TANTRUMS?

1. FATIGUE OR HUNGER
   
   When your child is very tired or hungry it is more likely he could get overwhelmed and go into a rage, which could cause a toddler tantrum.  
2. STRESS
   
   When you push your child to his limit and want him to go faster than he can handle, could cause an emotional tantrums. Just in the same way as when we would be pushed to go over our limits.  A toddler wants most of all to get control over his life, so when they constantly get a "no" as an answer this could cause a huge tantrum. Think carefully before saying "no".
   
   For me, if I say no to my child it always comes to an explanation why do I need to say "no". In this way he understand why. For example, he wants to buy a new toy but we already bought one. I always told him "I can't buy you that toy because you already choose these one. That's why you need to check all the toys first before deciding what to buy because maybe there is a better toy that you want". In this way he is learning how to be patience on choosing a toy and deciding what he really wants.  
3. FRUSTRATIONS
   
   Frustration will always induce a tantrum. Your child gets frustrated because he is too young to understand why he can't do everything he wants, like for instance climbing onto a table or having a candy
4. DISTRESS
   
   Anxiety could also cause a fury especially when you are leaving without them, or when another child infringes their space. You could prevent this by preparing your child for what is going to happen, or distract their attention from who is distressing them. 

How to Handle Tantrums

1. Don't loose your temper
   
   A tantrum is not a pretty sight. In addition to kicking, screaming, and pounding the floor, your toddler's repertoire may include throwing things, hitting, and holding his breath to the point of turning blue. While this may be hard to handle, you can rest assured that even breath holding is normal behavior for a child having a tantrum. When your child is swept up in a tantrum, he's unable to listen to reason, though he will respond – negatively – to your yelling or threatening. Do not get angry too, it will only make the situation worse.
2. Remember that your an Adult
   
   No matter how long the tantrum continues, don't give in to unreasonable demands or try to negotiate with your screaming toddler. It's especially tempting to cave in as a way of ending a public episode. Try not to worry about what others think – anyone who's a parent has been there before.
   
   By giving in, you'll only be teaching your child that throwing a fit is a good way to get what she wants, which sets the stage for future conflicts. Besides, your child is already frightened by being out of control. The last thing she needs is to feel that you're not in control either.
   
   If your child's outburst escalates to the point that she's hitting people or pets, throwing things, or screaming nonstop, pick her up and carry her to a safe place, such as her bedroom. Tell her why she's there ("because you hit Aunt Sally"), and let her know that you'll stay with her until she can be calm.
   
   If you're in a public place – a common breeding ground for tantrums – be prepared to leave with your child until she calms down. Do not worry about other people and what they might be thinking, especially in public. They do not know anything about you or your kid
3. Use time-outs sparingly
   
   A time-out can be helpful when your child's tantrum is especially intense and other techniques aren't working. Placing your child in a quiet or – better yet – boring spot for a brief period (about one minute per year of his age) can be a good lesson in self-soothing.
   
   Explain what you're doing ("You're going to have a time-out so you can calm down and Mommy is going to be right over there") and let him know it's not punishment. If he refuses to stay in time-out, simply place him back in the spot firmly but coolly and go about your business. Beyond making sure he's safe, don't interact or give him attention during the time-out.
4. Talk it over afterward
   
   Discuss the tantrum in very simple terms and acknowledge your child's frustration. Help her put her feelings into words by saying something like, "You were very angry because your food wasn't the way you wanted it."
   
   Let her see that once she expresses himself in words, she'll get better results. Say with a smile, "I'm sorry I didn't understand you. Now that you're not screaming, I can find out what you want."
   
   Do not think that it is wrong to cuddle your child after he/she had a tantrum because you are afraid that he/she might think that you approve. A raging toddler is upset and overwhelmed and needs comforting by you.
5. Try to head off tantrum-inducing situations
   
   Pay attention to which situations push your child's buttons and plan accordingly. If she falls apart when she's hungry, carry snacks with you. If she gets cranky in the late afternoon, take care of errands earlier in the day.
   
   If she has trouble making a transition from one activity to the next, give her a gentle heads-up before a change. Alerting her to the fact that you're about to leave the playground or sit down to dinner ("We're going to eat when you and Daddy are done with your story") gives her a chance to adjust instead of react.
   
   If you sense a tantrum is on the way, try distracting your child by changing locations, giving her a toy, or doing something she doesn't expect, like making a silly face or pointing at a bird.
   
   Your toddler is becoming more independent, so offer her choices whenever possible. No one likes being told what to do all the time. Saying, "Would you like corn or carrots?" rather than "Eat your corn!" will give her a sense of control.
   
   Monitor how often you're saying "no." If you find you're rattling it off routinely, you're probably putting unnecessary stress on both of you. Try to ease up and choose your battles.
6. Do not bribe your kid out of a tantrum it won’t solve or teach them anything.

Source:

"Tantrums | BabyCenter."  BabyCenter. N.p., n.d. Web.
"Tantrumshelp.info." Tantrumshelp.info. N.p., n.d. Web.