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It's sad that I miss you everyday. It's just sad that feelings remained unsaid, It's so sad that we only have to keep it to ourselves.  It's just Sad.  But I know it's for the best.  Loving you from afar,  I even met you in my dreams, Having a good time.  But I know it will remain in my dream. You will always be the sweetest memory, I will never forget.

"Sometimes the person who tries to keep everyone happy is the most lonely person" and  he  replied "seriously 😀". Yes  seriously because  I know myself  how to be sad  and it feels  not good and  sometimes  really so so lonely. So I want  that  the  people around  me is happy. By that  I can also be happy seeing  them happy. 

Sometimes we  don't really let go of the person we love. We just learn how to cope on the situation  given to us. We learn how to put  our  mask  and  smile even  deep down in our  hearts we are crying.We learn how  to  laugh even we are so broken. We adapt and survive. We live and we hope that someday everything  will be okay. 

The dark has always felt like home to me. I always want to sleep so dark. And if  I'm so lonely I just  want to stay my room  and bed. I always  find comfort in darkness And maybe I just belong to the night. Like the moon and the stars.  I know once you've been in the dark, you learn to appreciate everything that shines.

 he said: "Find a reason to play" me thinking and get tired because the reason I play  is him. Before  he said why not make me a reason for you to continue to play. And seem he already  forgot why I'm back at playing haha

 The problem with getting attached to someone. Is when they leave you, you just feel lost. I'm always alone even I got friends, most of the time  I'm alone. So  they don't bother asking  me if  I'm coming or not. When I get attached to someone, I always  try to ready myself as I know someday they will hurt me. Because they won't  be around  forever. They will just be there for you to comfort you when  you needed them. Or vice versa your the one helping  and comforting them. That's why you are together for now. 

Shutting down myself is far worse than  me  exploding. I just want to shutdown so  I can no longer feel any  pain.  In this way  It's easy for me to say what ever I feel or in my mind to the person that hurt me the most. I've already said things over and over to the point I don't care anymore. I don't want to ask anything anymore. Because when I explode, I will be totally a mess and I think it  will be harder to fix  myself by then. And I think when I explode  it means  I still fight for what I believe we had.