Let reason take break
"Your heart says go, but your head says no..." Yet another cliche', but it does seem to hit a nerve, doesn't it? At one point or another, we have had to deal with this internal conflict whether or not in the context of romantic love.
In our society, the cliche' about heart and mind going in "different directions" is, in fact, pertinent, given all the unwritten, but well understood, rules and restrictions that we've come to embrace, consciously or otherwise.
Here are some of the most common "unwritten rules" that make falling in love just a little more complicated.
NOT "UP TO PAR"
People-watching has become a common Filipino pastime. Subconsciously, we have formed clear mental pictures of the different classes of people. Being pintaseros and pintaseras, we tend to judge by looks, surname, school, social circles, family background, or even the way others speak English.
We have become so judgmental that we can look at a certain guy or girl and almost clearly picture the person most "at par" with him or her -- a judgment based on reasons other than those that should really matter.
In the same way, there are many who look at themselves and come up with a picture of the person they expect to end up with, that when fate takes a sharp turn and they fall in love with someone who does not meet the dictates of society, the head starts to challenge the heart.
AVOIDING FAMILY FEUDS
This is one of the more serious "rules" affecting our love lives. It involves the sentiments of the family which, in our culture, means the whole clan.
It is common among the Chinese-Filipino to prefer a partner of the same ethnic origin to conform with family tradition, just as many catholic parents would rather than their children marry someone of the same faith. And it doesn't end there. People from the more affluent sectors of society are pressured to find someone Filipino-born and raised, and there are even extremes where a family of Atenistas cringe at the thought of a La Sallian joining their family, or vice-versa.
It's hard enough using our heads to choose partners based on our set of criteria. So you could imagine how many voices would be screaming in your head when the preferences of your whole family are taken into account.
OUT OF YOUR LEAGE
Believe it or not, the fear of liking someone "out of your league" is still very common, and not just among guys who are often intimidated by successful women, This is probably related to the first point mentioned (not "up to par"), but this time, instead of being the one criticizing, you are at the receiving end of criticism. I have always believed that no body is out of anybody's league, but I must admit, reality bites in this culture,. Or, it could be a case of, "what goes around, comes around," don't you think? If we stopped judging other people based on superficial criteria, then maybe we wouldn't be too afraid to let ourselves like anyone regardless of how unreachable he or she may seem.
RULES OF FRIENDSHIP
This is something we probably have gone through at some point of our lives, esp. during college. The typical scenario would be that you have a close friend, almost like family, and then one day, you both fall for the same person. Or it could be that a guy or girl falls for the bestfriend of the original object of his or her affection. After talking to friends who were raised n western countriess, many said that it usually ended up as a case of "may the best person win, but we'll still be friends." This may not be tru for all, but they are usually more upfront about the whole situation.
Unfortunately, this isn't the case here. For us, it is still taboo (to go after the person your bestfriend fancies) and situations like these could blow up in our faces. We tend to use subtle cunning to go around this touchy scenario, our motto being "bahala na". I don't know if I was ever able to rationalize whatever I did when I went through a similar experience, but I do know that my head won-fortunately for me.
CAREER BEFORE LOVE
This, I believe, is more of a western ideal, with more men & women marrying at a later age for reasons that are more practical than anything else. However, it is becoming more common among young Filipino professionals to let their love lives take a backseat to their careers. The justification for delaying love varies from person to person, but it may be advisable for those who have just started their careers.
But there will come a time, esp. for women, when priorities just have to be shuffled a little. They say that most successful career women have dysfunctional married lives because "you can't have it all". I beg to disagree. We can have both, but this will entail knowing exactly when to listen to your head and when to give your heart a chance.
In our society, the cliche' about heart and mind going in "different directions" is, in fact, pertinent, given all the unwritten, but well understood, rules and restrictions that we've come to embrace, consciously or otherwise.
Here are some of the most common "unwritten rules" that make falling in love just a little more complicated.
NOT "UP TO PAR"
People-watching has become a common Filipino pastime. Subconsciously, we have formed clear mental pictures of the different classes of people. Being pintaseros and pintaseras, we tend to judge by looks, surname, school, social circles, family background, or even the way others speak English.
We have become so judgmental that we can look at a certain guy or girl and almost clearly picture the person most "at par" with him or her -- a judgment based on reasons other than those that should really matter.
In the same way, there are many who look at themselves and come up with a picture of the person they expect to end up with, that when fate takes a sharp turn and they fall in love with someone who does not meet the dictates of society, the head starts to challenge the heart.
AVOIDING FAMILY FEUDS
This is one of the more serious "rules" affecting our love lives. It involves the sentiments of the family which, in our culture, means the whole clan.
It is common among the Chinese-Filipino to prefer a partner of the same ethnic origin to conform with family tradition, just as many catholic parents would rather than their children marry someone of the same faith. And it doesn't end there. People from the more affluent sectors of society are pressured to find someone Filipino-born and raised, and there are even extremes where a family of Atenistas cringe at the thought of a La Sallian joining their family, or vice-versa.
It's hard enough using our heads to choose partners based on our set of criteria. So you could imagine how many voices would be screaming in your head when the preferences of your whole family are taken into account.
OUT OF YOUR LEAGE
Believe it or not, the fear of liking someone "out of your league" is still very common, and not just among guys who are often intimidated by successful women, This is probably related to the first point mentioned (not "up to par"), but this time, instead of being the one criticizing, you are at the receiving end of criticism. I have always believed that no body is out of anybody's league, but I must admit, reality bites in this culture,. Or, it could be a case of, "what goes around, comes around," don't you think? If we stopped judging other people based on superficial criteria, then maybe we wouldn't be too afraid to let ourselves like anyone regardless of how unreachable he or she may seem.
RULES OF FRIENDSHIP
This is something we probably have gone through at some point of our lives, esp. during college. The typical scenario would be that you have a close friend, almost like family, and then one day, you both fall for the same person. Or it could be that a guy or girl falls for the bestfriend of the original object of his or her affection. After talking to friends who were raised n western countriess, many said that it usually ended up as a case of "may the best person win, but we'll still be friends." This may not be tru for all, but they are usually more upfront about the whole situation.
Unfortunately, this isn't the case here. For us, it is still taboo (to go after the person your bestfriend fancies) and situations like these could blow up in our faces. We tend to use subtle cunning to go around this touchy scenario, our motto being "bahala na". I don't know if I was ever able to rationalize whatever I did when I went through a similar experience, but I do know that my head won-fortunately for me.
CAREER BEFORE LOVE
This, I believe, is more of a western ideal, with more men & women marrying at a later age for reasons that are more practical than anything else. However, it is becoming more common among young Filipino professionals to let their love lives take a backseat to their careers. The justification for delaying love varies from person to person, but it may be advisable for those who have just started their careers.
But there will come a time, esp. for women, when priorities just have to be shuffled a little. They say that most successful career women have dysfunctional married lives because "you can't have it all". I beg to disagree. We can have both, but this will entail knowing exactly when to listen to your head and when to give your heart a chance.
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